Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Faith

My God,
I bless thee that thou hast given me the eye
       of faith,
   to see thee as Father,
   to know thee as a covenant God,
   to experience thy love planted in me;
For faith is the grace of union
   by which I spell out my entitlement to thee:
Faith casts my anchor upwards
   where I trust in thee
   and engage thee to be my Lord.
Be pleased to live and move within me,
   breathing in my prayers,
   inhabiting my praises,
   speaking in my words,
   moving in my actions,
   living in my life,
   causing me to grow in grace.
Thy bounteous goodness has helped me believe,
   but my faith is weak and wavering,
     its light dim,
     its steps tottering,
     its increase slow,
     its backslidings frequent;
It should scale the heavens, but lies grovelling
     in the dust.
Lord, fan this divine spark into glowing flame.
When faith sleeps, my heart becomes
   an unclean thing,
   the fount of every loathsome desire,
   the cage of unclean lusts
   all fluttering to escape,
     the noxious tree of deadly fruit,
     the open wayside of earthly tares.
Lord, awake faith to put forth its strength
   until all heaven fills my soul
   and all impurity is cast out.

(The Valley of Vision)

Friday, February 15, 2013

Bye Bye Debt

Today marks a huge day for us as a family. We have officially paid off every penny of our credit card debt!! Praise the Lord! Praise Him that He provided a job for me. Praise Him that He granted me the health to complete that job. Praise God that He burdened my husband to lead us to take care of this debt in the first place. In the end this entire journey is all about God's glory anyway and I don't want a day like today to go wasted. I'm just incredibly thankful for God's provision and I wanted to take a moment to rejoice in that!!

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Reminders

This was the front cover of our bulletin at church today. When I caught a glimpse of it I almost started to cry...What is wrong with me?!? Good grief.

Well at the end of this month CARA (Central Adoption Resource Authority) will be meeting to work on some issues concerning Indian adoptions. I have already prayed quiet a bit for this meeting and would like to ask anyone reading this to join in with me. Here are specific requests you can begin lifting up to the Lord. These requests came straight from AWAA.

- For the adoption meetings February 19—21st. For CARA, agencies and RIPA’s (Recognized Indian Placement Agencies) to find solutions and processes to continue working together and for productive meetings and good relationship building

     - For the program to reopen quickly  

     - For more children to be registered for adoption.
 
     - For more RIPA’s to be able to complete adoptions, for more families open to children with medical needs or older children.

I am not expecting to hear any news concerning India until March but I guess there is always a chance. AWAA will be sending delegates over to India to take part in these meetings so I will hear first hand if there is any news on that front. Please join me in praying for God to move mightily in the country of India. There are 30 MILLION orphans in India and although bringing one home seems like a drop in the bucket I pray that our journey will spur others on to take on the Lord's heart for the fatherless.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Wondering in the wilderness has never felt so sweet

I haven't posted much since news of the India program's temporary closure. I went through quite a bit of wrestling as the Lord pruned and taught me more about himself and in turn showed areas of sin in my own life. This pruning, growing, waiting period of time has been painful and hard but there is a sweetness about it that I cannot deny.

In December only a few weeks after hearing of the closure the Lord used a Sunday school lesson to speak volumes into my life. It was a simple message concerning the fall of man in Genesis. Let me share a small portion of that lesson.

"The main reason people sin is because we don't trust God. We don't really believe that He is going to provide, which is why we go out looking for things ourselves...

We grab for things because he think God is going to hold out on us. With our fists clenched around the things of this world, we scream, 'How can I know? How can I truly trust that You are for me.'

God could look back at us in fury for doubting Him again. Who are we that we should demand God demonstrate anything? Yet we see Him answer this through the apostle Paul in Romans 8:32: 'He did not even spare his own Son but offered Him up for us all; how will He not also with Him grant us everything?'

God's answer to our wandering hearts is found in Jesus. If He will not withhold His only Son to bring about our good, how much more can we be confident that He will give us all things that work together for our good?"

I remember crying as I read through that lesson as God so graciously showed me how I was doubting Him. I so often believed that I knew what was best. I was angry over this wait because deep down I knew that my timing was best. I was upset that things weren't going "according to plan." There was such a beatiful release that took place in the wee hours of that morning. There was a surrendering that needed to happen and since that night I have not struggled with anger and paralyzing doubt.

Now sure I have my days when things are tough and I struggle to remember the truth that God is good and that he is working everything out for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes. I am beginning to say that wholeheartedly realizing that even if God were to completely close the door on an adoption from India I can still trust his goodness and know that he will guide us to the next place. I am more willing to listen and obey than I was at the end of last year and I praise God for his work in my heart. So we continue to wait but I thank the Lord that he has made this time sweet. I am utterly grateful.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Setback

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." - Psalm62:5-8

The truth of those verses has become the focus of my prayers lately. I am sure this will not be the only setback we experience in this journey but Jon and I found out some incredibly frustrating news this past week concerning our adoption plans. The India program has been temporarily closed. Just typing those words makes a knot form in my throat. Now thankfully that news is by no means an end in our journey. From what I have been told, the program could re-open as soon as February 2013 but there are no guarantees. So...we continue to wait.

There were many tears, conversations, and prayers following the unexpected news. Was this a closed door? Would I choose to believe that God's hand was moving despite the current setback? Would I see this obstacle as a way for my faith to be grown and challenged or a chance to complain and become bitter? Would I choose to praise and thank God in the midst of something I didn't understand? Now that we are a few days out I am able to see things more clearly and pray without tears.

We do not feel as if this is a closed door, although we will continue to pray for the Lord to make his will clear and we agree to walk in obedience. We sense that this is all part of the Lord's plan and that there is a real reason behind the delay. I may not know this side of eternity why after being so close to turning in our application that the program has closed but I will praise God in all things. We still see the Lord fanning the flame of India in our hearts. I don't think it was an accident that my aunt invited two complete strangers to our family Thanksgiving dinner, one of whom was of Indian descent. Nor do I think it was by chance that we found a crazy connection with a sweet Indian family my parents visited on their most recent trip to India. God is speaking. His hand is at work and although I don't understand his ways I will walk in simple faith.

May I trust You at all times! Thank you God that, despite changing circumstances, you remain the same.

Friday, November 16, 2012

I wonder...

As the time approaches for us to begin the adoption paperwork I find myself drawn more and more to articles, and blogs concerning families who have come out on the other side and are adjusting to life post adoption. I have thought a lot about how our family dynamics will change once we bring our daughter home.

I can't help but wonder what sort of challenges and struggles we will endure trying to adjust not just in the short term but years down the road. There are lots of questions and fears floating around in my head and I feel led to pray, a lot. I pray for our daughter. I pray for her protection and for God to place people in her life who even now will tell her about Jesus. I pray that deep in her heart she knows there is a family out there who loves her and is working hard to come get her. I pray for her as I think about her growing up in our family. I ask God for guidance in how to raise her and deal with difficulties that may come up as the result of her adoption. My prayers encompass my family as I ask the Lord to prepare our hearts for the road ahead as well as for the transition from one to two children. I pray for my son and that he will quickly accept a new sibling. I pray for wisdom in my speech as I talk to people about this part of my heart. I want others to see Christ in this whole story and I want to display faith in the one true God even in the midst of fears and uncertainty.

So I've been praying and reading and processing many things. If you are interested in checking out one of the blogs I have been following here is the link:

What Have We Done (To Our Family)?

This family has welcomed three older children into their home and are learning as they go. I love her heart and honesty.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

The Trouble With Monotony

I haven't written in a while. This lack of posting is not because adoption has been far from my mind, quite the opposite actually. I find that adoption and our daughter are almost always on my mind and in my prayers. It has been a while since I posted anything because there just isn't much to report. We still have yet to begin the paperwork process but we are getting closer. Debt is seriously dwindling and we are preparing for the beginning steps of what is affectionately called the paper pregnancy by funneling away extra money for the start up costs that can honestly be quite steep. Yeah, not exactly the exciting news I want but we are headed in the right direction.

Allow me to be honest with you as I share the hardest part of this journey right now. The current  problem with the monotony of life and what feels like little progress is that I am incredibly tempted to doubt God's calling concerning adoption. About a year ago God made this calling quite clear through scripture, prayer and even through random conversations. We saw God speak very loudly but it's funny how time seems to dull my sense of trust. When God was making His voice clear in our lives it was exciting but as time has passed I find myself tempted to ask God to prove His calling again. "Just show me one more time that what we are doing is your will, one more little sign."

Not only have I been temped to ask God to clarify His call, I have also been quite tempted to question whether His plan is actually the "best" for our family. I have had to surrender my picture for what I want our family to look like. I have always wanted a big family and it's quite obvious that I'm not getting any younger. What if this adoption throws off our plans? What if our family doesn't turn out the way I hope? What if...

Now my heart's cry, the desperate longing of my soul is for the Lord to grant me more faith. How can I possibly make it through the entire grueling adoption process if I can't trust the Lord before we even begin?!? This is me. This is the state of my heart. This is what I'm wrestling with now. 

I feel like I am always saying this but...

God, I believe. 
Help my unbelief.