Wondering in the wilderness has never felt so sweet

I haven't posted much since news of the India program's temporary closure. I went through quite a bit of wrestling as the Lord pruned and taught me more about himself and in turn showed areas of sin in my own life. This pruning, growing, waiting period of time has been painful and hard but there is a sweetness about it that I cannot deny.

In December only a few weeks after hearing of the closure the Lord used a Sunday school lesson to speak volumes into my life. It was a simple message concerning the fall of man in Genesis. Let me share a small portion of that lesson.

"The main reason people sin is because we don't trust God. We don't really believe that He is going to provide, which is why we go out looking for things ourselves...

We grab for things because he think God is going to hold out on us. With our fists clenched around the things of this world, we scream, 'How can I know? How can I truly trust that You are for me.'

God could look back at us in fury for doubting Him again. Who are we that we should demand God demonstrate anything? Yet we see Him answer this through the apostle Paul in Romans 8:32: 'He did not even spare his own Son but offered Him up for us all; how will He not also with Him grant us everything?'

God's answer to our wandering hearts is found in Jesus. If He will not withhold His only Son to bring about our good, how much more can we be confident that He will give us all things that work together for our good?"

I remember crying as I read through that lesson as God so graciously showed me how I was doubting Him. I so often believed that I knew what was best. I was angry over this wait because deep down I knew that my timing was best. I was upset that things weren't going "according to plan." There was such a beatiful release that took place in the wee hours of that morning. There was a surrendering that needed to happen and since that night I have not struggled with anger and paralyzing doubt.

Now sure I have my days when things are tough and I struggle to remember the truth that God is good and that he is working everything out for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes. I am beginning to say that wholeheartedly realizing that even if God were to completely close the door on an adoption from India I can still trust his goodness and know that he will guide us to the next place. I am more willing to listen and obey than I was at the end of last year and I praise God for his work in my heart. So we continue to wait but I thank the Lord that he has made this time sweet. I am utterly grateful.